There is life after love. Divorce unravels the package of hopes, dreams, financial security and relationships a couple creates during their marriage. Through the process of unpacking, making peace with the past, being present and planning for the future, you can look forward to a wonderful life.
Financial stability first
During the divorce process, couples, along with legal counsel, determine custody and parenting time schedules, division of assets, child support and spousal maintenance. According to Johnson/Turner Legal, “In a Minnesota divorce, spousal support/alimony is meant to assist one spouse in meeting his or her necessary monthly living expenses when the other spouse has the ability to provide that assistance.” Women need to be aware that their spousal maintenance may cease as children age into adulthood and you/they are able to work.
Depending on age and stage of life, you may need to reevaluate your career. Visit with a career counselor and research and examine your strengths (and weaknesses). Look into training and furthering your education. Online education options are extensive and designed to meet a working adult’s schedule. Learning, growing and expanding your skills can be empowering and build your self-confidence.
Make peace with the past
Take time to look back and identify the reasons for wanting or being forced into divorce. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you made and your spouse for not being who you expected them to be. Making peace with the past is a spiritual journey that takes time to work through.
DivorceCare is a Christian-based weekly workshop and support group that includes seminar topics on hurt, anger, grief and depression, loneliness, fears and anxiety, forgiveness and brighter days. DivorceCare classes are offered at Christ Community Church in Rochester with cohorts in winter (February–April) and fall (September–November). “DivorceCare helped me know I wasn’t alone and build a tribe of people to help me navigate divorce and single parenting,” shares Gillian Manning Currie.
Letting go of traditions can be one of the most difficult aspects of divorce. Identify shared family traditions from family reunions to school breaks, holidays and birthdays. Discuss how you will continue to share or split holidays with children and extended family. Soon, you will be making some of your own new traditions with new friends.
Look forward to the future
Once your income stabilizes, find a financial planner who can help you plan for a financially secure future. Jill Minette, financial planner with Prudential, helps women going through divorce with valuating insurance needs, helping prepare for college costs and meeting retirement goals. She also runs a nonprofit called Second Saturdays through Women’s Institute for Financial Education (wife.org).
“I remember how overwhelming it was to think about the future when I went through my own divorce. I rediscovered my self-confidence only after I finally opened up to the support from those around me,” shares Shelley Beckman. “I love that life coaching is built into our team approach at Johnson/Turner Legal, and watching clients getting back on their feet and finding their own self-confidence through that added support is priceless.”
Dream about your new life and create the life you’ve always wanted. Manning Currie reveals, “I was braver and stronger than I thought I was, which was uplifting. I started taking my kids camping alone, got my MBA and used a grill for the first time.”
Be open to surprises! You can make a plan for your life, but you can’t plan everything you will see and experience or the people you will meet. Be open to the new life that awaits you. ::