A healthy relationship with our bodies and sex offers a multitude of physical and emotional benefits. Many women identify sex as a priority in their lives, but sometimes we lose the sexual connection we desire. Sexual wellness is a journey rather than an outcome. Here are some suggestions for a healthier relationship with sex.
A healthy relationship with sex starts with your relationship with yourself. A positive self-concept and body image are foundational. Give yourself permission to be a sexual being and connect with your own pleasure. This is not necessarily about other people or being sexy or seductive. It is about connecting with yourself and feeling comfortable in your own skin.
Educate yourself on anatomy. A common myth still lurking out there is that cisgender women “should” orgasm with penetration alone. For the majority of cisgender women, stimulating the clitoris is necessary for orgasm to occur. The clitoris extends far beyond what is externally visible.
Own your wants and needs. If you are in a relationship, asserting your wants and needs with your partner(s) can go a long way in empowering you to take responsibility for your own pleasure. This also invites our partner(s) to negotiate our needs as well as their own.
Unfortunately, sex can come with a pile of cultural baggage. Sometimes we internalize negative messages over the course of our lives. Examine beliefs that may no longer serve you, and consider adopting healthier perspectives that empower your sexual health.
You might consider working with a sexual health care specialist if changes in sexual desire are negatively impacting you and/or your relationship or if sex is painful. These issues are common and treatable.
Sex can be a tremendous source of connection in our lives. You deserve an amazing, joyful,
shame-free and empowered relationship with sex! ::
Books
“Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoski
“Becoming Cliterate” by Laurie Mintz
“When Sex Hurts” by Goldstein, Pukall, and Goldstein
“She Comes First” by Ian Kerner
“Mindfulness for Better Sex” by Lori Brotto
“Enduring Desire” by Michael Metz and Barry McCarthy
“The Guide to Getting It On” by Paul Joannides
“The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50” by Joan Price
Vibrators
Silicone vibrators
Lelo Sona or Satisfyer Pro for women with pelvic floor tension, as they stimulate increased blood flow to the area
Hitachi Magic Wand
Bullet-style Je Joue Mimi Soft
Lube
Sliquid
Good Clean Love
Uberlube
Store
The Smitten Kitten (online and in person in Minneapolis, Minnesota) is a great location for sex-positive resources, toys, education and more.
