Some people always know from a young age that they want to be mothers. Others are certain they don’t want any kids. I happen to be in the group that never thought too much about it. I just knew it might happen — or it might not.
I became a mother at 22, the day I found out my beautiful daughter was on the way. I wasn’t happy. I was confused. It was hard for me to envision myself as a mom because I had so many plans for myself. I was scared. I felt like I was giving up so much for something I wasn’t even sure I was ready for. I didn’t know if I would be good at it.
They don’t lie when they tell you that motherhood changes you — it changes your whole life the moment you find out. My circle of friends got smaller as I got bigger. Insecurities started creeping in, and I was so nervous. Don’t get me wrong, I was happy. I loved feeling my daughter’s kicks and imagining her face. But the fears often outweighed the happiness.
And my daughter wasn’t exactly an accident. At the time, I was aware of my actions. I just didn’t think it would happen so quickly. I was married for about two years. We were talking about having kids, but we wanted to wait until I graduated and he got a better job. But, as they say, you can plan — but God’s plans are always bigger.
My life changed dramatically after having my daughter. It made me realize I wanted more — she pushed me to choose myself. Kids are so innocent, so unaware of everything life throws at them. That thought motivated me to do better. My daughter made me work so hard because I just want to give her everything she needs.
For a long time, I was just living — doing whatever felt right in the moment. But now, I had something to live for. I drive safer because I’m scared that if I get reckless, I might not make it home to her. I know how much my daughter loves me and enjoys being around me. I started establishing routines to organize my life because I want her to see me doing my best — to see me be my best.
It hasn’t been easy. I’ve faced many challenges — my divorce, moving, going back to school to earn my bachelor’s degree, and other family issues. Despite all of this, I realize that my daughter doesn’t see any of my problems. She doesn’t see the struggles; she sees me as perfect — she loves me just as I am.
Motherhood is hard. It’s complicated, and not everyone chooses this life. But it is also incredibly beautiful and fulfilling. I am so proud of hardworking moms — and dads too — but as moms, we do the heavy lifting. We should be proud of ourselves. Giving birth and raising a child is one of the hardest jobs there is.
Moms, don’t give up on your dreams. Keep pushing. Give yourself grace. Give yourself time.
It’s okay to hurt. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed.
It’s ok to not want to!
It’s ok to have feelings!
You’re perfect your human!
