As a teenager, my curfew was 8 o’clock—sharp. Why? Because my dad told me that girls get pregnant after 8 p.m. I met my husband during our first year in college. Throughout our four years of dating, being engaged for one year, then being married for seven, I believed that the second I was off birth control or if we weren’t careful, I’d get pregnant. Why? Because our school system teaches young minds that all it takes is one mistake for a baby to happen. That may be the case for some people, but it wasn’t the case for me.
For many years, my husband and I were a happy family of two with fur babies. In October of 2022, we decided to expand our family with a baby. That was when I realized I’d been lied to my entire life! Girls don’t immediately get pregnant from being touched by boys with cooties.
What I learned after extensive research is that the baby thing only happens during a small window of time each month. In addition, the chances of those little swimmers actually reaching the egg to fertilize it is so small that I’m surprised the human race still exists. So, I did what my research told me to. I got off birth control, tracked my ovulation cycle and got ready to do the one thing my husband and I excel at the most.
The next month, when those pregnancy tests came back negative and I got my period, I was confused. Why didn’t it work? Every night of ovulation week, I made sure we got naked as soon as the clock hit 8! It should have worked.
We tried again the next month, and YAY! I got two lines and a positive blood test. My husband and I were so excited that we told our friends and family right away. Pretty soon, that excitement died when we found out we’d lost the pregnancy.
After some long, hard tears, we continued trying. A few frustrating months later, we finally got another positive test. Ten weeks of all-day sickness later, we received news that the baby had stopped developing. Then I went in for a D&C surgery for the removal of our baby girl.
You’d think this is where the story gets better, right? Nope. Shortly after, we had a third loss, but by that point, we were basically pros at handling the pain and disappointment.
Now after a whole year and lots of heartbreaking appointments, we’re finally expecting a baby boy. While this should be a happy time, it’s not. At every appointment, I’m expecting the doctors to tell me it’s another loss. We didn’t announce the news publicly or even to our families until we hit 20 weeks because we didn’t want to deal with also announcing a miscarriage. We still haven’t purchased any baby supplies because why spend the money when there’s so much uncertainty?
What’s unfortunate is that my story isn’t unique. Pregnancy loss is more common than people realize. It’s just that no one talks about it. That’s why I’m going to talk about it. I’m here to tell you that you’re not alone. I’m here to tell you that it’s hard, but it’s also just a phase. Whether your next phase is to keep trying, to adopt or to stay a happy family of two, I’m also here to tell you that everything will be okay.
