My cousin congratulated me for “raising a child from scratch” when our oldest graduated from high school. I love that sentiment so much. It’s so true. Just like a cake, you put all the ingredients together with love and hope for the best. And though the journey is long (some days are so. dang. long.), the time really does fly until your child is ready for their next step. That next step is a huge transition and involves a lot of emotions. Some parents grieve their child leaving, and others celebrate. Most find themselves somewhere in the middle with emotions fluctuating on a daily, and even hourly, basis.
The summer after our oldest graduated from high school and before he started college was difficult for all of us. He was ready to go. And nervous. This mixture of big emotions led to a fair amount of “unpleasantness” in our household. I think it’s safe to say that we are all happier now that he is off to college.
Here is what I wrote in one of our reader newsletters this past spring:
“If you’re following along, my oldest graduated last week! Yippee! I’ve always thought that once graduation was over, I’d feel completely free of my parenting duties. But, as anyone who has graduated a child knows, that’s far from the truth. A whole new set of worries has now cropped up to intrude on my sleep: Will he understand how important it is to go to class in college? Will he be able to keep a job? Will he remember to empty the lint screen on the dryer? What will I do when I don’t know where he is at all times? Isn’t it funny how we go from knowing every single thing about our babies (this cry means he’s hungry, this cry means he’s tired) to knowing less and less about them as they grow?”
Parenting him now involves a lot of listening and knowing when to give advice. Here are some
things that seem to be helpful for most situations:
- You can only do one thing at a time.
- Time block and include time for rest, exercise and enjoyment.
- Be aware of what you spend your energy, time, attention and money on.
- “Commitment gets us through the frustration, and frustration is the partner of learning.” –Seth Godin
- Remember the hard things that you’ve already done (that you thought you’d never be able to do) and build on that confidence.
- Sometimes you just have to feel your feelings.
- Everyone is feeling lonely like you. Be the one who invites others.
For parents who are still working on their “baking,” my advice to you is to prioritize creating a
strong relationship with your child. I believe that is the best way to make sure your kids will still come to you for advice while they’re transitioning into adulthood.
