I remember before I had kids that I was worried about two main things when it came to parenthood—lack of sleep and noise. The sleep thing has turned out to be mostly a nonissue—I survived it when I had to, and now my kids are pretty good sleepers overall (knock on wood).
The noise is another story. Parenting is loud. Kids scream, cry, slam doors, talk, play, laugh and watch TV really loudly—it honestly feels never-ending sometimes. As I go about my parenting day, if the noise is constant, I can feel my chest getting tighter, my stomach starting to churn, and before you know it, my fuse blows and my momster comes out in full force. Layer on the other sensory hits parents take—like kids crawling on you or inadvertently hurting you by playing too rough or in anger, stepping on the toy clutter, being hungry or having to go to the bathroom but not getting a break to care for yourself—and overstimulation can hit hard and fast.
So how do you cope with feelings of overstimulation and its common accompanying feeling, anxiety? Here is what works for me.
Earplugs
My favorite earplugs for everyday, all-day use are my Flare Calmer earplugs. Calmer earplugs narrow the ear canal to prevent our ears from registering certain high frequencies that can cause anxiety. They help keep me from getting overstimulated by everyday noise like tantrums, talking, TV, etc. When I need a real break from sound, I’ll put in some classic earplugs (because it turns out you can totally still hear your kids with them), or I’ll put on my noise-canceling headphones. Earplugs allow me to still be present without getting overwhelmed.
Breaks
Taking a break is the most reliable way for me to avoid overstimulation, but breaks can be hard to come by sometimes. In my house, breaks look like giving the kids screen time with headphones or setting them up with a quiet activity like play dough while I eat or take a shower or sit and read a book or shut myself in a quiet room for a few minutes. The key with this strategy is to take a break before you lose it with your family. This is harder than it sounds.
Teamwork
For parents in two-parent households, the tag team strategy works well. When I’m feeling overstimulated and I know I’m at risk of popping my top, I’ll tag my husband in and go take a walk or shut myself in my room for a break. The teamwork strategy works best when both partners have an ear to what’s going on with the other parent and kids so you can volunteer to tag in before the other parent gets overwhelmed and upset.
Body boundaries
Teaching body boundaries to kids can make a big difference in preventing getting “touched out.” When kids understand that each person has their own body bubble, and we always need permission to be in someone else’s body bubble, they start to learn to ask first, at least sometimes, and to listen better when we tell them our bodies need a break. For teaching this to young kids, I recommend the book “Body Boundaries, Consent, and Respect.”
Kids are a lot—at least mine are. Sometimes, you might just lose it with them—it happens. But with a little proactivity, we can help ourselves and in turn help our kids too!
