My kids are 19 and 16, so I’m not getting too much parental advice these days, but when they were younger, I got plenty. This is a guide for those who have advice to give to parents.
Q: Your husband’s cousin’s daughter has a 16-month-old son, whom you’ve known for two minutes. Something he does makes you think he may not be developing his fine motor skills well enough to be able to take notes later in life. Should you give advice?
A: No. Unless you’re a pediatrician, and you’ve been seeing this baby over the course of several appointments, and you’ve noticed a few things that concern you, you have NO BUSINESS TELLING SOMETHING LIKE THIS TO A NEW MOM. Sit down.
Q: A gal who’s married to your husband’s college friend has discovered a parenting style that seems to really work for her, but you’ve been doing a lot of reading about a basically totally opposite technique, and you feel like it’s your job to school her about how the style she’s pretty pumped about is terrible. Should you have done that?
A: No. You can talk about what works for you, but leave the judgment out, Karen. This sort of thing could really f*** up a new mom and make her question all of her parenting instincts for many years. Stuff it down.
Q: Your new friend responds to her older child who has some behavior challenges and just took her younger child’s cookie. You want to tell her that she should have been focusing on her younger child instead because focusing on her older child is just going to encourage him. You only have one baby. Are you qualified to give this advice?
A: No. You have no idea what the dynamics are in this family or how difficult it can be to have a child with behavior challenges. Even if you have older children, just shut it.
I think you’re pickin’ up what I’m puttin’ down.
Friends, I know. When you think you know a lot about something, it’s tempting to feel like you need to tell everyone. Remember, people learn better by figuring out what works for them. Each person is different. Each relationship is different. Your energy is better spent by asking parents if they need anything.
*OBVIOUSLY if there is abuse or neglect, that’s a totally different story, and I hope you know the difference between things that are actually harmful and things that you just have a strong opinion on.
**These things all actually happened to me when I was a young mom. Yep. They sure did. But I’m not bitter . . .
